How to make hand jobs (or fingering) the main event

How about shaking things up a little?

Oral, anal, and good old vaginal, there’s more than one way to have sex. But I’ll let you into a little secret, you don’t have to penetrate your lover with your cock or tongue to make them come. A hearty hand job can make your partner shoot his load, and full-bodied fingering can have the same heady effect on females. 

Sadly, hand jobs and fingering are often overlooked, as they tend to be thought of as warm-up acts. We use both as foreplay techniques to tease and arouse our lovers and once we’ve got the party started, we move on to penetrative sex. But how about shaking things up a little? 

Why not try making hand jobs and fingering the main event?

If hand jobs and fingering are to be the stars of the show, you’ll have to put the effort in - you know what they say, practice makes perfect. If you play with yourself, you’re familiar with using your hands and fingers to tease and tantalize your cock or pussy. I regularly finger myself and I love the feeling of inserting a finger or two in my vagina, I usually combine this with a gentle stroke to the clit. My hubby likes to masturbate too and he seems to spend oodles of time perfecting his technique!

Solo play is good fun and contrary to the old wives’ tales, you won’t go blind or suffer from hairy palms. Masturbation is a great way to get to know your own body and work out where and how you like to be touched. If you can learn techniques to make yourself cum with your hands and fingers, you’re armed with the skills to excite your lover and make them climax in the same way. 

There’s still room for vaginal, anal, and oral sex in the arena of naughty fun, but sometimes it’s nice to ring the changes and deliver a hand job or good fingering instead. There are also plenty of reasons to go down this route, for a start you can engage in hand jobs and fingering with relative ease. You don’t need to go shopping and invest in expensive sex toys, you have everything you need at the end of your arms and your hands and fingers cost zero to use. 

In fact, there’s very little to do by way of prep. But I would recommend rolling up your sleeves and removing any loose or sharp jewellery. It’s fair to say your lover doesn’t want a ring lost up their fanny or a bracelet catching the end of their dick and popping to A&E will definitely ruin any chance of a happy ending. You should also wash your hands to kill off any germs and clean and file your nails. Long and sharp talons can cut or scrape the skin, which increases your chance of infection. 

Another benefit of hand jobs and fingering over penetrative vaginal sex is the reduced risk of pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections (STIs). Pregnancy can occur when the vagina comes into contact with sperm, and STIs are transmitted via vaginal fluids and semen. Fingering and hand jobs won’t lead to either providing fingers dripping with cum aren’t inserted into the vagina. Don’t forget to wash your hands afterward too! 

So far hand jobs and fingering are looking like a good option, but you might still have your doubts – can they be as stimulating as vaginal, oral, or anal sex? Well, I’m happy to raise my hand and say “Yes I think they can be.” Providing you use a good technique. 

I love giving my partner hand jobs, I like to look into his eyes and watch his face contort with pleasure as he succumbs to me. I like to think I’m good at it (so far, I’ve had no complaints) but it’s a skill I’ve honed over time. In my teens, a hand job would consist of me grasping my boyfriend's penis and yanking it haphazardly up and down until he ejaculated. Today I like to think I deliver a more refined hand job – one that can make my lover cum as he would if I rode his cock. 

I vary the pressure and speed, and sometimes I use two hands rather than one. I move both hands in unison and then in different directions, I massage the shaft and pay attention to the balls and tip too. I sometimes delicately use my nails, tracing them all over his balls and shaft, and I’m not afraid to go lower and tickle the area between his anus and ball sack (this is called the perineum). However, I’m very careful - the perineum is very sensitive, so I always use a delicate touch. 

Fingering can also prove orgasmic and used correctly, digits can mimic or even outdo a penis. You can keep things interesting by varying the number of fingers you insert, don’t forget to vary the speed and pressure for added fun. Stimulate the clit at the same time and other erogenous zones such as the breasts, buttocks, neck, and earlobes to gratify your lover. 

How else can you elevate a hand job and fingering to make sure the act is on par with vaginal, anal, or oral sex? How about using lube? You’ll find all sorts of lube on the market nowadays from silicone lube to oil-based and warming lube, it adds glide and slide and can provide added pleasure. 

You can also try combining fingering /hand jobs with anal play. Lube up a finger or two and stroke the ass crack, running the tip of the finger around the rim of the anus. When your lover is relaxed gently but firmly slide your finger in and out. Sex toys are useful too. You can purchase butt plugs, anal beads, vibrators, cock rings, airwave massagers, etc from sex stores and websites and they work well when used alongside hand jobs and fingering

Alternatively, how about adding role-play into the mix? Use costumes and props to get into character and enact your fave scenarios such as doctor/nurse and patient, boss and employee, or master and servant. My lover and I enjoy playing out a client and escort scene which involves me meeting him in a hotel bar, negotiating my fee over and drink, and then following him back to his hotel room where I wank him off. 

We also ramp things up by pairing hand jobs / fingering with kinky BDSM fun. We use sensory deprivation to heighten senses, and I often wear a blindfold. There’s something thrilling about not being able to see what my lover is doing. I feel his hand creep up my leg and rest on my pussy, before he fingers me until I’m soaking wet and desperate to cum. 

Bondage can be pleasurable too. Restrain your partner with cuffs, rope, silk ties, or the like, and watch them squirm as they lie there helplessly awaiting your touch. You can drive your lover even crazier by edging them. Deliver a hand job or finger your lover until they are on the edge of orgasm and then pull back before staring again. 

Are you feeling hot and bothered with all this talk of hand jobs and fingering? I’m not surprised! It can be just as enjoyable as vaginal, anal, or oral sex, and can bring you to a shuddering orgasm. Why not make it the main event next time you’re up for fun?

By Astolaine.