How to talk dirty when you don’t know how to talk dirty
Whether you’re whispering sweet nothings in your partner’s ear during foreplay or swearing like a trooper en route to a noisy orgasm, talking dirty can boost your sex life.
Whether you’re whispering sweet nothings in your partner’s ear during foreplay or swearing like a trooper en route to a noisy orgasm, talking dirty can boost your sex life. However, when it comes to rude chats, not everyone can find their voice. Some find it awkward to let go, some feel a bit ridiculous, and others just don’t know what to say! So how do you talk dirty when you don’t know how to talk dirty?
It might not be for everyone, but dirty talk turns me on. I love it when my partner tells me exactly what he’s planning to do to me, and I can’t resist whispering naughty things in his ear in return (especially when we’re in a public place). We’re naturally noisy lovers – we like to moan and groan, and I’m not averse to shouting “Fuck me harder,” when we’re in the moment.
There’s something very powerful about using words and sounds to sexually arouse, and dirty talk is such a versatile tool. Dirty talk can incorporate everything from sounds, such as oohs and aahs, to words like “yes” and “more.” It can also involve telling one another erotic tales, giving instructions, and discussing fantasies.
The great news is dirty talk is not only arousing, it’s also very versatile. You can use it in the comfort of your own home, or when you’re out and about (just make sure you’re using a quiet voice). Try talking dirty to one another at the supermarket or while you’re walking through the local park. It might feel strange at first, but you’ll soon get the hang of it.
You can use dirty talk to enhance masturbation (be it solo or with your partner)
rev one another up whilst out on a date, perk up foreplay, or improve intercourse. Using naughty vocab is also a great way to maintain a sexual connection with your partner if they are away for a short period, or if you share a long-distance relationship.
If you’re new to dirty talk, or just nervous about it, you can start slowly and build up. It’s even worth practicing moans and groans and using coarse words and phrases.
Find a private, quiet spot for some solo fun, pull out your favourite sex toy, and masturbate loudly. Once you’ve built up a little confidence you can reach out to your lover – it’s time to bring on the naughty chat!
I’ve already mentioned that my partner and I enjoy noisy sex, but it’s not just confined to racy moans, groans, and gasps. We also use words such as “yes,” and “more,” and we’re fans of using one another’s names too, be that our real forenames or pet names, e.g. “Do that again, babe.”
Praise and compliments are a nice way to introduce dirty talk too (remember not all bedroom chat has to be crude and rude)! Simply saying, “You have an amazing body.” Or “Your eyes sparkle when you smile,” will make your partner feel desirable. Talk about your feelings, e.g. “You are making me so wet / hard right now,” and “I love it when you lightly kiss my inner thighs,” will spice up your bedroom antics and provide your lover with indicators that they are doing a good job.
Giving instructions and feedback may sound a little cynical, but it’s a great way to communicate and effective use of dirty talk. Telling your lover how much you love something will spur them on to do it again, or do more e.g. “harder please,” “When you push those anal beads into my hole it makes me want to cum,” and “That feels so good, do you think you could go deeper?” Sexy talk with purpose – what a great way to enhance play.
You don’t even have to be amid foreplay or intercourse to talk dirty to one another. If you’re out on a date or chilling at home you can start a conversation about your fantasies. Storytelling can be a very powerful way to paint a scene for your lover, and it’s a great way to turn them on! Don’t be afraid to open up – remember this is fantasy land, you don’t have to play out every naughty thought. What’s on your mind? A cheeky threesome with your lover and a hot work colleague? Wet and messy fun involving custard and latex pants? Or perhaps you’d like to be bent over and spanked with a leather paddle?”
If you prefer a vanilla approach enjoy clandestine whispers about the different sex positions you’d like to try, or how you are planning to massage your partner with oil before performing mind-blowing oral. You can tone things down even further by adopting a frivolous approach to talking dirty. Teasing one another with cute anecdotes and erring on the silly side can raise a few giggles and put you both at ease.
This light-hearted approach works well for some, but I prefer more robust dirty talk. I get very turned on when my man pulls my hair and calls me names. “Slut” and “dirty whore,” are personal faves, but I understand name-calling is at the extreme end of the scale and could therefore prove upsetting for some. That’s why it’s important to have a frank conversation before you delve into the heady world of dirty talk. As with all sexual and BDSM play it’s essential you set boundaries, agree limits, and identify safe words before kicking things off.
If this all seems a bit much don’t worry, how about getting going by sharing erotic fiction? Take turns to read pages from a steamy novel, lingering over the details – you could even act out a few of the scenes after! Alternatively, how about naughty phone calls or rude sexts? These work well if you’re feeling shy, if you’re partner is away from home, or if you’re conducting a long-distance relationship. Describe what you’d like to do to your lover and ask them what they would like to do to you – ramp things up by using a sex toy as you talk or type.
The key to successful dirty talk is to relax and have fun. If you’re feeling self-conscious take a step back and try again when you’re feeling more comfortable. Dirty talk is just another way to communicate, and it’s a fantastic way to improve your sex life. There’s no need for a pre-planned speech, just open your mouth and let the dirty talk trickle out!