How to keep your sex life hot after years of being together
Sharing our own tricks and tips!
You’ve probably heard the phrase “Couples who play together, stay together,” and there’s a ton of truth in that, but it’s not always easy to carve time out for one another. When you’re juggling busy careers with family commitments, and chores, sex and play often take a back seat.
It’s hard not to hark back to the days when you first met, those laidback dates full of flirty fun. Spontaneous hook-ups whenever and wherever you pleased, tender kisses, lusty conversations, and oodles of sex. Once upon a time, you couldn’t resist one another, and now the flame of passion is little more than a flicker.
The good news is, it doesn’t have to be this way. I know, because I’ve been with my hubby for over twenty years, and I’m pleased to say our sex life is hotter than ever. It’s not all been plain sailing, and like everything in life we’ve had to work at it, but we’re willing to put in the effort in order to reap the rewards.
I hate to start with a cliché but to us, communication is key. We don’t just have sex; we talk about sex. We talk about the naughty things we’ve done and the X-rated things we’d like to do. We discuss our fantasies and we don’t hold back on the details. Recently my hubby expressed his interest in fucking me over the car bonnet, in full view of the neighbours. I, in turn, professed that I’d love a threesome with him and a broad-shouldered dark-haired hunk. We might not do everything we fantasise about, but sharing our sexual whims is not only liberating, it’s also a bit turn-on.
We’re also big fans of setting up regular date nights. You might scoff at this idea (especially if you’ve been together for an eternity), but spending quality time with your partner can take your relationship from insipid to invigorating. We take it in turn to organise regular dates, this might involve a romantic meal at home or an evening out. Sex tends to be on the cards after, which is a bonus.
If we want to push the boat out, we book a cheeky night or weekend away. You don’t have to travel far to escape the humdrum of the daily grind, a local hotel will do. We pack a kit bag, including sex toys and racy undies, and go lose our inhibitions for a night or two.
A couple of months ago we booked a night in a shepherd’s hut, situated in a secluded countryside spot. We enjoyed a long walk together (hand in hand, of course) followed by a dip in the hot tub (naked, of course), and rounded it off with rampant sex (plenty of orgasms, of course).
When it comes to sex, we do our best to get it on as often as we can. But it’s not just about quantity, quality counts too. We both love a quickie when we’re in the mood, but we also love, slow leisurely sex. Foreplay counts, a sensual massage with oils, naughty words whispered in one another’s ear, licking, nibbling, caressing, and fondling – the warm-up can be just as good as the main event, in fact sometimes it’s better!
There are plenty of ways to take things up a notch. Watch a rude movie together, talk dirty, send naughty messages, and play sexy games. Remember the days when sex was fun rather than a chore? That’s what you’re aiming for. There’s a whole world of naughtiness for you to explore and plenty of sex toys on the market such as vibrators, dildos, and love eggs. Role play can be stimulating too - boss and secretary, nurse, and patient, prison officer and convict – dress up, play up, and get racy.
If you’re feeling adventurous you could explore the world of kink. Spanking, bondage, wax, needles, humiliation, pet play, water sports, tickling – fetish opens the door to a whole new world of excitement. There’s a big and bold kink scene out there, but if you’re new to BDSM take it slow, and do your research. You’ll need to plan and talk through scenes in advance, agree on limits, and identify safe words.
If you’re not into smacking bottoms or getting tied up and teased, how about a swinger’s club? Embrace your voyeuristic side and watch others getting it on or release the exhibitionist within and fuck each other’s brains out in front of an audience. You can even swap partners and indulge in play and intercourse with like-minded people.
For the record, we’ve tried both BDSM and swing, and both add more flavour to our relationship. You might like the idea of playing with others but clubs could be a stretch too far for you. Private play can be just as stimulating, and you can open up your relationship with a threesome, foursomes, or moresome, but you’ll need to tread carefully. Group sex can be pleasurable, but it can also evoke strong emotions, so make sure you talk about boundaries ahead of slipping between the sheets.
The fun doesn’t have to end in the bedroom, ethical non-monogamy allows you both to enter into other relationships. This gives you the chance to consensually date and get close to others. It’s not for everyone but it could stoke your excitement and provide another interesting angle to your union.
Whilst sex toys, role-play, fun with others, etc can all rack things up a notch, there are other ways to keep your sex life on the boil. It’s not all about getting a good shag every day. My hubby and I hold affection very dear too, and not just in the bedroom. We kiss, we cuddle, we hold hands, and we’re not scared to get up close and personal in public.
We take a moment to kiss one another goodnight and when one of us leaves the house we kiss goodbye too. Never underestimate the importance of showing your feelings and demonstrating how much you love one another. The longer you’re together the better you get to know each other, but that doesn’t mean you have to let your bedroom antics grow stale. Keep sex fresh, keep it spontaneous, play together, and stay together.
By Astolaine
A submissive in a 24/7 TPE marriage spanning twenty years, Astolaine strives to serve and obey her beloved Sir. However, she does have a playful, bratty streak - which occasionally gets her into trouble. A fan of exploring the bright, bold world of kink, Astolaine and her Sir regularly indulge in play, attending parties and events to complement their dynamic.